Before deciding that someone is being difficult, pause and consider what the situation might look like from their side. That is where perspective taking in conflict management starts. It does not mean agreeing with them. It does not mean excusing unsafe behaviour. It means recognising that most people resist, argue, withdraw or become aggressive for reasons that make sense to them in that moment.
A parent at reception may not be “overreacting” in their own mind; they may be frightened for their child. A patient refusing to move may be in pain, confused, embarrassed or worried about losing control. A member of the public who seems hostile may have been waiting too long, spoken to badly earlier, or arrived carrying a history of poor experiences with authority. None of those factors make their behaviour acceptable. But they help explain why a purely rule-based response can fail.
Approached this way, perspective taking in conflict management gives practitioners better information. It also prevents the common professional trap of treating the person’s behaviour as the whole story. If someone shouts, the shouting is real and may need a boundary. But the reason behind the shouting may be fear, grief, humiliation, overload, intoxication, cognitive difficulty — or a misunderstanding that can be corrected quickly if somebody takes the time to look for it.
A simple sentence can shift the tone: “I can see why that would feel unfair,” or “If I had waited that long, I’d be frustrated too.” These phrases are not surrender. They are contact. They show the person that you are not starting from the assumption that they are irrational or deliberately obstructive. After that, you can move back to the issue: what needs to happen, what cannot happen, and what the next safe step is.
What perspective taking in conflict management looks like in practice
For example, a parent arrives angry at a school reception desk and demands to see a teacher immediately. Starting with policy may be accurate, but it may also miss the point. A better opening might be: “You’re worried about your child and you feel you’ve not been heard. Let me understand what happened.” Once the concern has been heard, the policy explanation is far more likely to land.
Seeing the world through their eyes is not a sentimental exercise. It is an operational one. It helps you identify what the person is defending, what they fear losing, and what kind of response might reduce resistance rather than strengthen it.
Next time you catch yourself labelling someone difficult, ask the quieter question first: what does this look like from where they are standing? The answer is usually information — and information is what makes the next decision safer.